Let’s start by level setting what I am not referring to when I use the word “relatable”. In my experience I don’t include being friendly, asking people how they are, or having brief chats with others. These are all basic expectations of human beings. We do this without thinking when in the back of an Uber. It’s risk-free and non-committed; it does not create a lasting sense of connection that comes with relatedness.
“We must establish a personal connection with each other. Connection before content. Without relatedness, no work can occur.” – Peter Block
When a leader is relatable and a team experiences relatedness, there is a connection between people that manifests from certain behaviours that are demonstrated consistently, without fear of judgment. Leaders who are relatable genuinely value connection, authenticity, openness, and curiosity. They show-up as their whole person, accepting of their strengths and their flaws, learning and sharing from their experiences; they invite the same from those around them and create a space to do so. Think about a leader with whom you had a deep and solid connection with. What else did you feel? What behaviours did they regularly exhibit?
I won’t profess to be an expert on relatability, but I have a few personal experiences that I can share. Here’s five.
Tell your story. Be open to sharing how you got to be who you are and where you are, personally. Anyone can read your LinkedIn profile, so share the story that makes you a person. Don’t just share the happy experiences, include the struggles, the lessons you’ve learned the hard way because life is difficult.
Laugh out loud and laugh a lot. First, this feels great for you. Second, it’s contagious and others will feel great too. Laughing is fun and it helps to embrace the lighter side of life and work. I have a deep and loud laugh. When I reconnect with people I’ve previously worked with, I’ve noticed a trend that most comment about my laugh – in a good way, LOL.
Share your emotions and not just the good ones. We are human beings which means we experience a full range of emotions. Sharing only the positive ones is not only unauthentic, it promotes toxic positivity. It’s okay to share “I’m feeling frustrated, unheard, or annoyed”. It reminds others you’re human and it creates common ground where relatedness can blossom.
Talk with people often. In a world where time is in high demand, we tend to lean on emails, texts, and snaps way more than is good for relationships. For relationships to thrive, they require conversation. An email, text, or snap is not a conversation. Pick-up the phone, connect in-person, or if absolutely necessary jump on a video call. Hold time to converse and do it often – at least once per week, though I suggest adding in shorter, more frequent calls. And remember, these need not be fully dedicated to work!
Ask questions about the whole person. Take time to get to know them beyond the workplace. Learn about their family, hobbies, and challenges. Heck, learn whether they drink tea or coffee and how they take it! Always remember that you are speaking and working with a human being, therefore it is of paramount importance to learn about and relate to the whole person.
When you are relatable the people you lead will typically follow suit and the team will experience relatedness. Relatedness provides space for support, trust, and compassion. When these exist, people feel accepted and safe to bring their whole person to work. Then the magic happens, possibilities are endless.
