On the surface my life has looked pretty good. Cheering on and supporting my daughters; laughing and experiencing life with my spouse; inspiring change and new achievements among teams; and donating time and money to charitable causes. I’ve been content to some degree, however there was always this overarching shadow that oozed frustration, restlessness, resentment, and anxiousness. I was embarrassed to admit how deeply and regularly I felt this way. What was wrong with me?
“Acceptance is a prerequisite for change.” – Susan David
I regularly yearned to feel like a better mother, spouse, leader. Maybe without those difficult feelings I would not only feel better, but also be a better person. So, what was I missing? A few years ago, my daughter was attending a therapeutic residential school for teens. The school incorporated a “parallel journey” for parents. I learned new concepts about how people cope with stressful situations and how my daughter and I could better support each other. At the same time, I began the process to achieve my professional coaching designation and was privileged to experience coaching firsthand. I wasn’t too far into the process when it hit me right in the face.
I had been so focused on the exterior surface that very little time had been spent looking inward at what I valued and how I showed up – especially when what I valued was compromised. I discovered a deeper level of self-awareness and to be completely transparent, I was aghast by what I found. It took me some time to absorb and articulate. In a nutshell, I realized that I could be judgmental and controlling. Ouch!
When I became aware of where my emotions were coming from, I was more open to accept my humanity and initiate change for myself. I learned to get curious about my emotions and thoughts, using them as signposts that remind me to pause, connect, and respond in a meaningful way. My values have become guides rather than triggers and I’ve begun to feel the effects of transformation – openness, connection, fulfillment. I am a different person than I was in years past. You can be too!
