I’ve chatted with many leaders who talk about valuing relationships and who acknowledge that relationships are built on trust. It’s a canned comment; one I’ve paid lip service to in the past, thinking I had it all together. You can trust me to do what I say I will do. You can trust me to hold important information in confidence. You can trust me to put the best interest of the company and the team first. Check. Check. Check.
“It’s so much better to be in a workplace where you can be your real self, and contribute to the work in a meaningful way.” – Amy Edmondson
Then I learned what real trust is, a level of trust that increases confidence and accelerates “performance” while creating unbreakable bonds. It emerges when leaders create a safe place for everyone – and team – to be their true authentic selves. A safe place embraces true compassion that allows each other to show-up exactly where they are in the moment without any kind of judgment.
Compassion
It is not sympathy (I’m sorry you are feeling this way); nor is it empathy (I understand how you are feeling, I’ve felt it too). Compassion acknowledges and accepts the whole person as they are and holds space to simply be (I see how you are feeling) and it may extend an open-ended offer of support without presumption (How may I support?). It wasn’t until my late forties when I finally learned how to be compassionate, to pause before responding and genuinely practice it.
Judgment
Studies in neuroscience have highlighted that as human beings we are hardwired to judge, self, others, circumstance. Judgment doesn’t discriminate based on gender, ethnicity, economic status, or any other human differential; it hovers in the brain no matter who you are. To show-up without judgment one needs to be willing to accept that they can be judgmental and work to intercept before unleashing it. This was one of the hardest things for me to realize, vocalize, and accept; yet it was a catalyst for transformational change.
They are words I once used lightly, without true understanding and intentional practice. Thank goodness it’s not what we’ve done so much as what we do that matters most. I get it now.
