Something has happened in society whereby people attempt to push their emotions aside. To be more specific, emotions that are viewed as negative, such as disappointment, frustration, anger, fear, and resentment. The movement to “be positive” and “express gratitude” is all over social media. When I ask people “How are you?”, many reply with “Never been better”, “Living the dream”, or “I’m great”. Really? No, not really, rather it’s a desire that if I say it then let it be so.
“Emotions are data.” – Susan David
I’m not disputing that it is a good thing to be positive and express gratitude. What I am suggesting is that adopting such a mantra without acknowledging and exploring the less positive emotions you experience will stifle your learning; it leaves valuable insights and opportunities for growth on the table. As human beings, we are hardwired to experience a wide range of emotions in response to our experiences. While feelings of love, joy, excitement, positivity, and gratitude are regularly welcomed and celebrated, emotions at the other end of the spectrum have developed a bad name for themselves. As a result, it is common practice to try and correct, self-soothe, or bottle these less favourable emotions which only leads to feeling even worse.
So, what does one do with the plethora of negative emotions that we are bombarded by, without warning, at any given moment? Use them as data and learn from them. I am a huge fan of Dr. Susan David, speaker, author, consultant, and faculty member of Harvard Medical School. Drawing on her deep research and own experiences, Dr. David encourages people to develop emotional agility – holding emotions lightly, facing them courageously and compassionately, and then moving past them to a more connected and fulfilled self. The skill of emotional agility requires one to first acknowledge they are experiencing a specific emotion by naming it, “I notice that I’m feeling frustrated”. Holding the emotion at arm’s length creates space to get curious and explore the emotion. Without judgment, intrinsically explore where the emotion is coming from, and you will undoubtedly find a link to a personal value.
While pursuing my coaching certification, I learned that frustration often ignites from a value that is not being honoured. Creating space to learn from the emotion allows you to choose a response that serves you best rather than react within the confines of a negative emotion. When we take values-based action we are free to move forward in a way that is meaningful and fulfilling, rather than accepting a negative emotion as a directive and faltering under its weight.
