Self-reflection can be a powerful learning tool, one that can bolster self-awareness and situational self-awareness. It develops leadership skills with zero cost, less time commitment, and greater retention. It’s taken me a lot of time and practice, but I feel like I’ve made progress by leveraging a couple of helpful tips.
“Reflection. Looking back so that the view looking forward is even clearer.”
– Unknown
Ask ‘what’ not ‘why’
While some thought leaders have shared the art of asking ‘why’ several times to uncover the root of a problem, this approach can be counter productive when self-reflecting because the answer to ‘why’ is beyond one’s conscious reach. And, quite honestly, it can open a trap of deflection when you’re not truly open and curious about self learning. A better question to start with ‘what’ and when coupled with non-judgment, it can uncover new learnings. For example, rather than asking “Why was I so snappy with Jane Doe?” try shifting to ask “What situations trigger me to be snappy and what do they have in common?”, then stay focused on the only person you have total control over and ask “What might I do differently?”
Resist Rumination
Ah, this might be a great future blog post because I’ve gotten caught in this trap several times, but I’ll keep it short here. When replaying events that have passed, it’s quite possible to step into an ongoing loop of “If only I’d done this …” or even worse, simply replaying a past experience and continuously reliving negative feelings – enter regret, anger, and frustration. This is not at all helpful because it distracts you from the original purpose of self-reflection which is learning with the intent to apply that learning in future, not self-punishment.
So, the next time you give yourself space for reflection, I encourage you to try these two tips and see what transpires. Or, if you’ve already mastered them, pass the tips on to someone else because as human beings, we are in a constant state of learning and evolving.
– Melissa Law
