Be kind.
I could likely end the post there and anyone who reads will get it, but it’s been on my mind a lot today and I am feeling the need to write, to share, to connect with someone about a recent experience.
In the spirit of self-reflection (an earlier post), I’ve sat with this statement because I am aware, and I accept that I have not always been kind. I have failed to acknowledge teammates, I have ignored people I’ve encountered, I have snapped at people, and I have been “terse” with others (the quotations are because that was the exact observation shared with me at the time – it was honest and accurate). I have been human, and I am learning. Being kind has a pay-it-forward effect and as a leader this is an open invitation to make a small difference in a world consumed by busyness – with a multiplier attached to it.
“I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou
While being kind is an action, I’d also like to believe that it is a mindset. It most certainly is a value – a value I’ve come to revere more and more. So what? Well, to be honest, I’ve never really sat with the thought intentionally before today. Here’s what resonated with me.
It Is Random
Okay, I acknowledge that some folks may set a daily intention to be kind. Generally speaking, kindness isn’t planned. Kindness just happens as if the universe willed it to happen all in one unique moment.
Earlier today myself and a colleague set out to find a place to eat dinner while in Boston on business. We were tired and hungry so we didn’t wander far before stopping at an Italian restaurant. Upon entering, we noticed it was very busy. The young hostess advised us that that particular night was for reservations only. Accepting this, with a smile, we were about to leave when the manager asked if we’d like to come back on the weekend when the restaurant was officially open. We politely declined sharing that we were only in the area for one night on business. The manager asked us to wait, stating that he would find us a table – and he did. We lucked out!
It Is Unconditional
When kindness is unconditional, there’s no quid-pro-quo; it just is. Going back to my earlier comment about a world consumed by busyness, I think that very busyness often comes with an expectation of receiving something in return. When we are kind to another person, there is no expectation of receiving something. It just is and off we go with a simple nod or smile or maybe nothing at all because it was all just in the flow of the moment without a second thought. The giver of kindness may never even realize how special or seen they made another person feel.
During this particular experience, we received top-notch service from friendly and helpful staff. We enjoyed wine with a three course meal and very attentive service, including several visits from the manager to ask how our meal and service was. At the end of dinner, I asked to split our meals into two bills. The response I received left me speechless (which doesn’t happen often) because we learned that the entire meal was complimentary. The manager explained that he wanted to provide his staff with practice and allow people to try the food before the grand opening. There was no cost, nothing expected of us even though we were not on the guest list. Random strangers who stopped in looking for a meal were invited to dine without any expectation.
It Feels Good
Maya Angelou’s quote can be applied in a very positive way here. Being kind makes a person feel good. It might be through a smile, a verbal acknowledgement, or a compassionate question. It could be an offer to help or providing sincere feedback; simply lightening the load for another person whether physically or mentally. Kindness is inherently felt by both receiver and giver. The person who pre-pays for your drive through order before driving off. The manager who extends a welcoming invitation to drink and dine for free to strangers in a foreign city. It lifts one’s spirit and the kindness felt is often passed on because it feels so good.
In the role of leader – no matter what form – we have an opportunity to make a difference, known or not. It doesn’t have to be planned, scheduled, or managed; it can just happen gracefully at the drop of a hat with a potentially infinite ripple effect.
– Melissa Law
