Wow, just over one year ago on January 11th, 2022 I posted the first blog in this series of “50 Leadership Lessons to Live By”. There were times when I questioned myself, wondering if I even had 50 personally learned lessons worth sharing. I guess I did because today’s blog is #50 and I am so very thankful to all who have joined me through this journey, sharing your thoughts and affirmations along the way. So how does one conclude a blog post series? There are several options. The one that resonates the most with me is to find the thread woven throughout and tie it into a bow. Here’s what I found.
Throughout the 24,785 words I have written in this series, there is a cluster that, when combined, represents approximately 2% of those words: human, being, doing, value(s), thought, emotion, reaction, feel, pause, space, choice/choose, intentional, response, and self. While 2% is not statistically resounding it does represent words that leaders at all levels often overlook or take for granted – myself included, from time to time. When I follow the thread that connects these words I see the bedrock on which leadership is built. Let’s explore.
“It was only after I spent time with myself that I was able to see and accept the truth. That was the spark I needed to ignite real and sustainable change.”
– Melissa Law
Who we are
The one thing every single one of us have in common is that we are human. Whether good, bad, or indifferent we are a collective of people engaged in being and doing – every single day. Some might get entangled in a loop of contemplating how they show up, past, present, and future, always thinking with little tangible action. Some might look straight ahead and plough through doing many things swiftly and without much pause to consider the ripple effect those actions have beyond their immediate need to get stuff done and out of the way. Hopefully, there are a growing number of people who are learning that life is a combination of both being and doing with an appropriate balance in the wake that leaves everyone, including oneself, feeling like they’ve been considered.
You and everything else
You are but one human in a world collective of approximately 8 billion people, according to the United Nations. What’s really cool about that is you are utterly unique in your cumulative experiences, beliefs, perspectives, and values. Your core values are as much a part of you as your DNA. They define who you are, how you show up, what you do, and essentially how you experience life. That said, like me, you are after all only one of 8 billion people living on this planet. With all those people, there is a lot going on, things outside of your control, creating a stimulus that engages your senses every minute of the day. That stimulus can arouse a range of energy from negative to positive ultimately forming into a specific thought that rarely serves a good purpose and easily turns into a false truth.
Regretful reactions
The brain in an average human weighs 3lbs and is 60% fat, so saith John’s Hopkins Medicine. Hmmm, and here I thought the human brain was a ‘lean mean fighting machine’. While it may not be lean, it can definitely be mean and it most certainly is a contributor when a fight breaks out. Wherever there is stimulus, which is pretty much everywhere in a world full of 8 billion people, there are natural reactions that can occur. These reactions are generated by the way our brain processes the stimulus and the way our heart feels the ebb and flow of our values. The reptilian part of our brain (or more scientifically known as the amygdala) can make it difficult by hijacking an emotion to surrounding stimulus and turning it into one big in-the-moment reaction before it has a chance to pass through to the more rational frontal lobe. Those reactions are often the ones we regret later and try to fix with an apology. Problem is, words spoken can never be revoked. If the person on the receiving end hasn’t mastered the art of forgiveness, those words will stay imprinted in their memory, reminding them of how they felt, for a very long time.
Potential of a pause
What if you developed such a heightened awareness of how stimulus can trigger negative reactions associated with your core values that you could feel it starting and intercept with a pause? A pause takes only a few seconds to do and ultimately creates space after being confronted with the stimulus. It is in this space that we have the power to choose a response that aligns with our values rather than a reaction that defends them. What might this feel like? An intentional and well-aligned response to stimulus rather than a knee-jerk reaction filled with negative emotions. It took me a long time to learn this, but once I did, my life changed. I spent less time stewing in negative emotions and ruminating over reactions rendered, and began to feel the contentment that comes through intentional responses aligned with my values. I kid you not, it was a game-changer.
Rely on self
In any given circumstance, there is only one thing we have control over and that is ourselves. Try as you may, you cannot control what other people do or say. You cannot control the traffic, weather, stock market, spending trends, and so on. You can only control how you respond to the world around you. Therefore, it goes to say that if you focus on yourself you can increase the level of clarity with which you make decisions and the degree of confidence with which you act. Developing self-awareness opens insights into a world of knowledge that you can utilize for deeper understanding. Opening yourself up to self-acceptance gives you a platform from which to initiate desired and meaningful changes. Strengthening self-command clears the path for better, more fulfilling decision-making.
It takes a disciplined focus to build self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-command, but who is more reliable to lean on than yourself when it comes to pursuing a life of clarity, confidence, and fulfillment. Without these, life can feel as monotonous as a hamster wheel that drains your energy or as wind-blown as an untethered kite, drifting aimlessly, at risk of getting stuck in a tree. The good news is that the power to choose lies within each of us. As I conclude this blog series, I hope that my unfiltered lessons in leadership have provoked reflection and curiosity. Perhaps even a new desire for doing something for yourself so that you can show up in a way that embodies your values and propels your actions with purpose. Self-leadership is the epitome of leading others. Invest in yourself so that you can be the leader you want to be.
– Melissa Law
