In January 2023, I wrapped up my first blog series with a cumulative summary that introduced the “Response Loop” in the post titled Choose Response Over Reaction. This ending to a 50-blog post series is the bridge to my next series called The Intentional Self Leader. This is where all leadership begins, with self. In a world that is buzzing with stimulus beyond our control, every leader must learn and practice how to choose meaningful responses rather than rash reactions. Without this self-led skill, we risk the hamster wheel effect and a collection of unfulfilling experiences whose impact flows outward to those we hold close – family, friends and colleagues. I invite you to join this exploration of personal experiences and learnings that helped me move from reaction to response, and a life of increased contentment.
It starts with me
Recently, my 17-year-old daughter sent me a text when I was leaving for work imploring me to book her an emergency same-day appointment with the Orthodontist because the wire on her braces had broken. As luck would have it, there was a cancellation later that day. If there had been a candid camera on me when I let her know this, it would have captured my look of bewilderment. She refused to go because, by this time, she was in a bad mood and believed that the appointment would only make things worse. She’d rather live with it than go to get it fixed. In the week that followed, my daughter regularly talked about the pain that the broken wire is causing. {insert parental sigh here}
While I would like to believe this is behaviour only of a teenager, it’s not. Humans of all ages step into rash reactions within seconds when presented with stimulus that triggers an internal narrative followed by uncomfortable emotions. I have done this myself, too many times to count. Once upon a time, a whole day was spent being annoyed with the weather while on a family getaway to Santa’s Village. Many sleepless nights have been endured while ruminating over a difference of opinion or unnerving experience with someone at work Both are examples of time wasted with no benefit to be gained by anyone. Thankfully, I have learned how to manage my thoughts and emotions in such a way that I can acknowledge them and allow myself the freedom to choose a more rewarding way to show-up.
New possibilities are seeded in paths not yet explored.
– Melissa Law
As I begin this new blog series, let’s acknowledge and accept that we are all human which means that we are naturally imperfect, quite likely spurred on because of the daily internal battle of our emotional versus rational thought process. It’s quite the predicament, one that can sometimes wield an unruly result that impacts not only ourselves, but others as well. Pity, because it doesn’t have to be that way. It is incumbent on me to lead myself. This is the foundational platform on which leadership is built.
At the age of 50-years old, I can honestly say I am more content than I was in decades past, and it’s not because I have advanced in my career or stabilized in my finances; nor is it because I have a family and a house full of rescue pets who love me unconditionally. The prime factor in my more recent state of contentment is the work I have done to move from reaction to response when I encounter stimulus that is beyond my control – heck, even that which is within my control. It is the pause I take to determine how I want to lead myself in a way resonating with my values that has made a dramatic difference in the way I experience life and work.
Sharing lived experiences is a simple way to spark awareness, make space for reflection, and encourage action. I hope you will read along with me over the next few months on what will be a genuine exploration of my humble journey. If something I share resonates or piques your curiosity, go with it because new possibilities are seeded in paths not yet explored.
– Melissa Law
