People talk about values all the time, yet it wasn’t until I had reached my forties that I really started to spend time exploring, reflecting, and articulating my core values through thoughtful contemplation. I wish I’d have done this sooner. They are powerful, a gift unto each of us, however the way we hold and use our values can impact ourselves and others along a scale of “oops, I did it again” with more regret than that portrayed in the similarly titled Britney Spears song, to “ain’t nothin’ gonna break my stride” as sung by the 1980s one hit wonder Matthew Wilder. {insert plea not to judge my past music choices here}
Our values are signposts for how we experience life
– Melissa Law
The point is that when there is stimulus happening non-stop in our environment, it is bound to either bump up against or flow with our values. Such stimulus could be anything, however often it includes words spoken or unspoken and actions taken or absent. And most commonly, these are the result of choices made by other people. In a world of more than 8 billion people, it’s bound to happen.
Let’s face it, when there is flow it feels good natural like it was meant to be. When there is a bump or rub, not so much. You might have experienced this when you’ve felt frustrated, annoyed, or even angry with what is happening around you. Someone from those 8 billion+ people living on earth is not showing up in a way that flows nicely with your values. Sound familiar? Perhaps it has been prompted by a news article or an experience relayed through another person or a first-hand interaction; whichever example comes to mind it was sending a bright flashing signal that a core value has been compromised from your perspective. This is where the trouble begins; the concept of a values bump doesn’t have an inviting ring to it. The thing is we all feel it, whether labeled as such or not.
Our values are signposts for how we experience life and the stimulus that surrounds us. My values may be different from the next person, therefore our experiences are lived and felt in different ways. It wasn’t until I attended parent programming at Pine River Institute in 2019 that this became crystal clear. As I explored the effects my daughter’s behaviour had on me and the way I reacted, I started to see that just because I value respect and dependability, didn’t mean that she held the same values near and dear as a teenager I ask you to keep this in mind as we explore the interconnectivity of values, thoughts, and reactions in the next couple of blogs.
Spoiler alert: It might feel a bit raw and will lean toward the “oops, I did it again” end of the scale, but I promise that later in the series we will revisit this harsh reality and look at how you can move toward the flow of stride that Mathew Wilder sang about.
– Melissa Law
