A myriad of images flashed across that mirror and they were all of me, no one else, just me. It’s quite powerful to sit with yourself and marinate in self-awareness — all of it, the good, the neutral, the ugly. This is where the metaphorical rubber hit the road. I could embrace the good, push the neutral to the side, and ignore the ugly. Or, I could do something with all this insight because it was real, honest, and 100% human. During this journey I learned that my daughters felt less than good enough because they saw me — their mother — always in control, with high expectations, and never struggling. I guess I had become a good actress and all the while, unknowingly, set a bar so high that my own daughters felt they could never reach it. It was a bar that only portrayed false semblance of the good life, it was a bar that marked the bottling of and the brooding in emotions. Yuck! I thought about all the days I wallowed in negative feelings, blaming the world for the unpleasant experiences I was affronted with, only to push forward like a lawnmower chewing up what lay in front of me and then spitting it out. Yep, this was heavy stuff that I had been carrying, and I was ready to let it all go — finally.
I chose to own my flaws, but most importantly, I chose to forgive myself.
– Melissa Law
Hmm, what’s the point of developing a strong sense of self-awareness if I am not willing to accept the brutal facts? They were indeed brutal and they were true. The way I showed up and the way I experienced life rested solely on my shoulders, and with this gift of self-awareness, I also knew why. I gave too much credence to my internal narrative, I let my thoughts engage the handheld controller of the remote control that was my life, and I let the emotions steer me into wall after wall. Nope, this wasn’t something I could blame on another person. My thoughts, my emotions, and my reactions made life feel much harder than it really was. I was doing this to myself and inadvertently impacting those whom I care most about.
I accepted this new knowledge with the most humble of hearts. I chose to own my flaws, but most importantly, I chose to forgive myself because I am, after all, a perfectly imperfect human being. Some of you already know that I am a fan of Dr. Susan David. I’ve listened to her Ted Talk and podcasts, I’ve read her book, and I follow her on LinkedIn. I have learned from her research, experiences, and sharing. In that moment, while staring at the metaphorical mirror on the wall, I replayed her words expressing that “acceptance is the prerequisite for change”. All that I had uncovered through family therapy and coaching conversations was staring back at me, with a hint of challenge, a dare to be more content, even fulfilled, with the life I was living. I took the challenge, and I accepted me, all of me, and with a vow to lean into the change that lay ahead. There was more work to be done, but I had already maneuvered through the hardest part … self-acceptance of the facts without prejudice or judgment. This was my life and I was going to be in control now, so I started to workout — not physically — mentally. With time, I felt the momentum building and darn it felt good. I remembered what it feels like to take agency in the form of self-command. I’ll tell you more about it next week.
– Melissa Law
