You know that old saying that when you assume you make an “ass” of “u” and “me”. Well, I’ve come to learn that this is an understatement. Allowing assumptions to rule the day gives power to the untruth – especially in relation to people. I believe that in a world dictated by time, we tend to give way to assumptions because in the moment they are easier and faster than direct communication, but when has an assumption ever been representative of the absolute truth? Personally, I can’t think of one. What I can think of is the many times I’ve made an assumption, let the assumption become the basis for my perspective, then quickly reacted in a way I later regretted. It didn’t feel good for me or the other person; nor was the easiest or the fastest course to follow. In fact, it usually resulted in a lot of damage control.
“A lack of communication breeds assumptions of what the other is thinking or feeing; and assumptions are, more often than not, incorrect.” – Misty Lynn Walker
So how does one identify and interrupt the turmoil that bubbles up from a wrong assumption? The first sign is a negative emotion. It might be irritation, annoyance, hurt, resentment, or even anger. When you notice the presence of such emotion – usually provoked by a lack of interaction with another – get curious about what assumptions you might be making then give yourself space to honestly explore. This interrupts the emotional reaction caused by an assumption, an assumption that is usually an untruth, and allows space to thoughtfully explore what questions might help to uncover the real truth. The exploratory questions will vary by experience, but a good starting place includes the following three questions. What do I know to be true? What assumptions am I making? What other information do I need to form a full picture of the truth? From here you will be better able to move away from emotionally reacting to thoughtfully responding. The latter being a trait that leaders at all levels can adopt to better serve the people they lead, including themselves.
