Embracing acceptance: Emotional Agility

 

It was through a Ted Talk that I was first introduced to Dr. Susan David. I was struck by her humanness in acknowledging that the only certainty is uncertainty, yet we are not navigating this uncertainty in a healthy way. As human beings, we tend to shame ourselves and others, for having negative emotions, attempting to ignore them, push them away, or find solutions for them. I will forever recall her response to people who expressed a desire not to feel a difficult emotion, who wanted a feeling to go away. Dr. Susan David’s response to such pleas is to call out that they have “dead people’s goals”. Only the dearly departed do not experience emotions. We on the other hand are alive, flesh and blood, which means we all have emotions.

 

“People who are hooked into a particular way of thinking or behaving are not really paying attention to the world as it is.”

– Dr. Susan David

 

Dr. Susan David’s book, Emotional Agility, is therapy for the soul. It helped me further accept that emotions – of the full range – are human, natural, and important. They aren’t for bottling or brooding. And, it’s important to realize that bursts of reaction are like mental shortcuts on unhealthy assumptions. Emotional rigidity, like that highlighted in Shirzad Charmine’s book (Positive Intelligence), is a form of getting hooked on thoughts, feeling, and behaviours that do not serve us. Whereas emotional agility is about loosening up, calming ourselves, and living with more intention. I was giddy when I saw that  David shared one of my favourite quotes by Viktor Frankl to further explain the concept of emotional agility: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

There is so much awareness and learning in this book that I simply could not do it all justice in one blog. Much of what I practice and share with others comes from David’s work. Truth be told, without acceptance of our emotions it is difficult to create and sustain behaviour change. This book helped me accept that my emotions – all of them – are natural. I am not a bad person for experiencing feelings of resentment, guilt, or irritation. I am genuinely human. It’s what I choose to do with these emotions that matters.

A few of my favourite things about this book include:

  • It’s a graceful and human journey through identifying how one might become unhooked by their emotions so that they can show-up in a way that creates space for walking their why.
  • David humanizes emotions so that the reader can lean into self-compassion, choose willingness, and learn from thoughts and emotions. Humans are terrible self-critics; we are overdue to give ourselves a break.
  • It is full of thoughts and examples for one to reflect and connect with the values and purpose they hold so that choices made carry greater resonance and fulfillment.

If you’re craving a book that can have the effect of a warm cozy blanket and a hot cup of tea or coffee, then pick this one up. It’s like interacting with a best friend who just gets you, who shows-up with compassion, and who supports you finding your own way forward.

– Melissa Law