Now that I’ve explored the contrast between reaction and response in the preceding blog posts, I’d like to acknowledge, with full humility, that it isn’t easy. Learning to be with one’s emotions requires awareness and acceptance. Choosing to be in control rather than be controlled requires command of one’s thoughts. All this takes time, repetition, and patience. Even then, there are times when old behaviours prevail. I experience it occasionally, but as someone once posted on LinkedIn “I’m just a little bunny doing the best I can” and this is the baseline of being human. I am not perfect, I am simply doing the best that I can each and every day.
We just need to be there for each other, to show up with compassion and a willingness to support.
– Melissa Law
What I have noticed through the openness of my journey is that those closest to me have witnessed and engaged in the growth, this is a perfect spot for me to share a story that embraces both the fragility of my being and the compassion of my daughters. Perhaps it is a well-deserved story to share because I have indeed leveraged examples of triggering behaviours I have experienced with them. This is a story that shows their love and strength, their ability to see my humanity and to support me when I’m in need.
Two weeks ago, the three of us went out for sushi at a notoriously busy restaurant. I turned off the main road into the very small and tight parking lot only to immediately notice one parking spot remained. It was at the back of the narrow laneway beside the dumpster and overlapping another spot. I panicked because there were already cars lined behind me and no way to back out. My daughters told me not to worry, that I could maneuver my large SUV into the awkward spot, I just needed to focus and ignore the people behind me. After reciting “this is impossible” and making several adjustments, I did manage to park, but it was too late for me. The thoughts had taken hold, “we’re doomed”, “I’ll never get out of that spot”, “I should have known better”, “it will be impossible”. My eldest daughter quickly noticed and reminded me that none of those thoughts were of relevance while we were having a family dinner. My youngest daughter asserted that I would indeed get out of that parking lot and that she would help me. They asked me to quiet the “gremlin” (aka negative narrative) running in my head so that I could be present and enjoy the time with them. So I did, it was lovely.
When it was time to go, I was nervous and anxious. Getting out of the parking spot, while people lined up and blocked the laneway was very stressful. Thankfully, my daughters spoke louder than my negative narrative. I heard them saying “you’ve got this” over my internal narrative that was saying “you’re screwed and the people waiting are judging you”. Leaving that darn parking lot brought on a feeling of elation and accomplishment — as simple as it was. I was so proud of my daughters. If they could show-up for me that way, I know they will do it for others. I know that they too have the practices to work through their own limiting beliefs. We just need to be there for each other, to show up with compassion and a willingness to support — whether that support be for others or ourselves.
No, it is not always easy, but it is always possible, to acknowledge my emotions and to stop the negative narrative so that a better outcome can be engineered. In the next few blogs, I will explore three muscles that I have worked hard to strengthen over the years: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-command.
– Melissa Law
