Having control over the actions and consequences of my life fits like that perfect outfit that when I wear it I hold myself with a little bit more confidence, gliding through the day with the hint of a swagger or strut. Yeah, you’ve felt it. It feels awesome. I’m not a big fan of going to the gym and sweating up a storm, but dang, I love a successful mental workout.
I first learned about the power of intercepting my negative narrative during my initial coaching training. It was then, working with another coach, that I started to see how it would hijack my thoughts and emotions, relinquishing my control. Then I learned more about the importance of mental fitness through the work of Shirzad Charmine, author of Positive Intelligence. This was my opportunity to reclaim agency over my life by building my mental muscle to recognize and intercept my “saboteurs” (aka negative narrative).
A mental workout can be rewarding just like a physical workout, filling you with energy and clarity.
– Melissa Law
I started by naming them, most prominently “Judge Judy” and “Connie The Controller”, the most troublesome of my saboteurs. Having become aware of their existence, I learned to accept they had grown to be part of me, but that they need not call the shots. So I started to workout. I’d read and listened to techniques for mindfulness and meditation. These are forms of self-command. I had small exercises (only 2-5 minutes) that I would engage in a few times per day so that I developed muscle needed to be present. Then I diligently worked at calling these annoying self-sabotaging characters out whenever I noticed their presence. Yes, whether it was silently in my head or out loud, I would faithfully say “That’s Judy” or “That’s Connie”. I was building my mental muscle to intercept and weaken the presence of their narratives. I noticed them everyday, no wonder I was always so tired. As I got stronger, I would shift to not only calling them out but also shooing them away — sometimes quite profanely, always assertively. Their narratives weakened and that created space for me to connect with my leader within, the part of me that knew how to show-up and what to do in a way that aligned with my purpose and my values. I had more space to fuel up with my passion. And oh my, I stood taller and got my groove on. I started remembering that old Matthew Wilder song from my youth that I mentioned earlier in this series, and found myself humming or singing “ain’t nothing gonna break my stride”. I had hopped off that hamster wheel of reacting and started engineering my responses in a meaningful, fulfilling way. Damn, it felt good. A mental workout can be rewarding just like a physical workout, filling you with energy and clarity. Day after day, I kept at it and I took back my life.
The cool thing is that it wasn’t just me who noticed, those closest to me witnessed and experienced the change, welcoming it like a warm ray from the early morning sunrise. It takes work, and I lean on supports like my leader within, values, and purpose (clearly connected and articulated through work with another coach). Just like a spotter when lifting weights, they are there to guide me through my mental workout so that when I create space, I can choose a resonate response. I am fulfilled.
– Melissa Law
