There are a few different ways to define vulnerability. One references the inability to resist a hazard or to respond when a disaster has occurred. Another talks about it being a weakness that can be exploited while another refers to being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed. Hmmmm, these are not helping me build a case for the value of vulnerability. I hope you’re still reading. Are you? Because here’s the thing, every single human being is vulnerable, it is something we all have in common. Not a single one of us is infallible or shatterproof. We are all at the mercy of others and perhaps even more dangerously so, ourselves.
“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
– Brené Brown
For me, I think of vulnerability more along the lines of Brené Brown’s definition in that it is about facing uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure; showing up and being seen without cloak or cover. No armor clad persona of “I don’t give a crap” or “I know it all” or “I keep home and work completely separate”. I cannot possibly know how each person will perceive or respond to who I am – my values, beliefs, emotions, strengths, weaknesses – and yet I have learned that what matters most is not so much the version of me that they hold, rather the version of me that is human and authentic. It is the doorway to connection.
Whether at home or work, I choose to lead by example and at the helm of this is being vulnerable. However, in full transparency, I did not learn how important this is until my teenage daughters, during a thoughtful and honest conversation, shared with me that they could not possibly measure up to my way of knowing what to do in every situation. Huh? Where did that come from? What I learned was that they only witnessed the version of me that was confident and decisive. I had not shared with them the plethora of moments when I was wrought by emotion, lacking self-esteem, or completely and utterly questioning what to do next. I might as well have adorned a superhero cape and told them that they would never be as immortally strong as me because they were human beings. It was an a-ha moment that beckoned a change in behaviour.
Professionally, I can still recall one particular meeting when my colleague sitting beside me turned and very directly said, “You’re intimidating”. Wide-eyed and in awe I responded with “Really? How so?”. I was oblivious to how my assertiveness and subject matter expertise made her feel – insecure and not quite as comparable. Damn, it was time to share what a day in my life really looked and felt.
The absence of vulnerability creates a barrier to connection which requires relatedness formed through shared experiences and emotions. As leaders, one of the greatest gifts we can share with others is the power of vulnerability, showing up and being seen as the perfectly imperfect humans we are.
– Melissa Law
