Last week, I shared the perspective that space is like a doorway to options and possibilities. I believe this because, in learning practices to help me create space, I have experienced and therefore felt a transformative change within me. It is notable. It is impactful. It is essential to how I live my life in the present.
When I hold space, for myself or others, in the moment when stimulus stirs tough thoughts and emotions, it provides me with choice. Rather than giving into an emotional reaction, I get to use the space to be intentional about choosing what comes next. In that space, I take control of my thoughts rather than my thoughts controlling me. It is here that I can explore what I am experiencing and get curious about what my values are signaling. I’m sure that I’m not alone in professing that my children are a notable source of triggering stimulus for me – even in all their glory, they are growing up in a different generation with different values and beliefs. So, here’s an example. When my youngest daughter has had a sleepless night – whether caused by an insistent use of social media, friend dynamics, or anxious thoughts – she will often refuse to go to school. I’m pretty sure that if I were to calculate the number of missed school days she has had in the last 5 years, there wouldn’t be enough digits on the calculator to compute. {insert acknowledgement of slight exaggeration here}
When I found what I once lost, I vowed never to misplace it again.
– Melissa Law
If I let it, this behaviour will rub up against my value of dependability and loyalty. But, when I have created space to acknowledge that my daughter is her own naturally creative and whole person my perspective becomes more open. While I may not like her decision, the consequences of choosing to remain in bed are hers to experience and learn from. Rather than reacting, I choose to let go of owning her decisions and take accountability for mine. I choose to let her experience the impact of her decisions whether it be an inquiry from the Vice Principal or a late night of catching up on missed content. In short, I use the space to be intentional about resisting the urge to be over-controlling because (a) the only person I truly have control over is me, and (b) it creates deeper resonance with my value of accountability.
Being intentional, by using the space I create, brings me a sense of healthy acceptance and coveted peace which is something money cannot buy. When I found what I once lost, I vowed never to misplace it again – my freedom to make resonating choices.
– Melissa Law
