Many years ago, I entered a period of my career whereby I was feeling edgy, easily triggered, and essentially disengaged. I complained to my peers about the circumstances surrounding our work then I proceeded to do nothing about it, thinking that things would right themselves and I would crawl out of my ‘funk’. It was around this time that I had the opportunity to attend a Women in Leadership program facilitated in beautiful Banff – a great location that supports self-reflection and learning. This marked the beginning of my journey to understanding the critical role my values play in my career and life.
“It is not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.”
– Roy E. Disney
After taking time to articulate and sit with my core values for the first time, it finally dawned on me why I had been feeling so disengaged from work. I value contribution, continuous progress, making something better than it was. At work, I was feeling shut out from doing this, especially on a project that I had a lot of passion, experience, and ideas to add. My value of contribution was being suppressed and my reaction was quite unpleasant for everyone involved. Thankfully, I hatched a plan to speak with my leader, express my needs, and get involved. That feeling of engagement began to return.
Fast forward several years to a parent program I was attending at Pine River Institute where my eldest daughter was a student. In one particular session we completed an exploratory process for identifying things our children would do that triggered us as parents – different for each of us. Then we drilled down to the root, discovering once again that values played a significant role in how we feel and how we react.
Just one year later, the trend was so unearthed that there was no possible way to ignore it. While completing my coaching training and certification we explored values. This time around I was quite ready and equipped to identify my core values. What finally fell into place for me was how my values act as signposts in several different ways. Hey, sometimes I need to have things repeated a few times before it really sticks! This was the moment when I became a true believer and started to pay very close attention to my values and what they tell me.
Lesson #1
Life is often turbulent and yet there are moments – even extended periods of time – when I’ve experienced a sense of flow, an ease that propelled me forward. It is during these periods of flow that my core values are naturally in play, unencumbered and guiding me through one decision after another, big and small.
Lesson #2
When I’m feeling frustrated or even angry these emotions are an internal message that something or someone is messing with one of my core values. A core value isn’t being honoured and that sense of flow is replaced by unease. Decision making can become unclear, shadowed by an emotional reaction or distorted belief.
Lesson #3
While there may be some overlap, my values are different from those of others. We’ve been raised in different circumstances, participated in different experiences, and formed different beliefs along the way. I cannot expect others to hold and honour the exact same values because we are different. Values are unique and individually owned, not to be imposed on others and it is unfair to expect someone else to act in accordance with values that are mine and mine alone.
As a leader, a mother, a person I have learned to tune into and appreciate how my values guide the decisions I make day-to-day. My values help me choose how I will show-up and what I will do in each circumstance I encounter. When I feel “off” I can look at my values and be curious about what is happening and how I am feeling to identify the source and choose the best path forward – even if it may not make everyone else happy, it will be the right direction for me. I have also learned to hold space for learning about and acknowledging the values that others hold. Doing so provides insight to what they view as important and allows me to remember we are all uniquely different; the key to engagement is being inclusive of the whole person and that includes a safe space to share values and beliefs without judgment or retribution.
– Melissa Law
